


Light

by smoakoverwatch



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Oliver's POV, Spoilers for 4x09, post 4x09, spec for 4x10
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-10
Updated: 2015-12-10
Packaged: 2018-05-06 01:27:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5397737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smoakoverwatch/pseuds/smoakoverwatch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He left her alone back there.</p><p>(spoilers for the midseason finale. speculation)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Light

**Author's Note:**

> Some angst, really because I wanted to get into Oliver’s head a bit. His experiences and the fact that this is probably his worst nightmare means he’ll have a lot of guilt, and I wanted to explore that a bit. Title from the Sleeping at Last song of the same name (the tone of which does not really match this, but some lyrics did).
> 
> Fair warning: I know nothing about medical stuff so I kind of breezed over that. Also, there’s a little discussion on religion and beliefs and I hope I don’t offend.
> 
> Also, this is for you, Ash.

_With every heartbeat I have left, I’ll defend your every breath  
I promise, I’ll do better_

He left her alone back there.

It’s all he can think about when he watches her get wheeled away, looking so fucking small under everything that’s keeping her alive.

Keeping her alive.

Because of him.

He left her alone back there.

Logically, he knows that he had to get away from the Ghosts attacking them. But he tortures himself with the thoughts anyway, as he watches the doctors and nurses move in a flurry to tend to wherever the bullet hit.

He thinks back to when he crawled to the driver’s seat. He swore he heard her make a noise when he moved away, but he assumed she was just scared.

He wonders if that was when she got shot.

He can’t stop himself, then. He thinks back to every action. How every turn must have hurt. The way he had to maneuver the limo and how it slammed into the road – _God_ , he had been in survival mode, he wasn’t thinking, he didn’t even consider, why didn’t he consider it? He should have pulled her to the front with him, he should have never let that happen, he should have…

“Mr. Queen?”

Mercifully, he’s pulled out of his thoughts by a nurse. He wants to ask how she’s doing, but he can’t find the words, his throat is dry, he’s not sure if he wants to hear the answer…

“We’re doing everything we can”, his stomach drops. “Where the bullet hit, it’s made her lose a lot of blood.” 

He can only nod. She says more, but he can’t listen, because suddenly he’s back on that road. He knows she lost a lot of blood, he was there trying to stop it before the ambulance arrived, he watched it slowly spread onto the pavement. He knows because so much of it is on his clothes and his hands and there’s probably a bit smeared on his face from when he tried to wipe his tears. 

“She’s a fighter, Mr. Queen,” the nurse says before she leaves.

Oliver’s not a particularly religious person, he was never raised to be. He’s thought about it a whole lot, sure, on quiet nights of the island when he wasn’t sleeping. He hasn’t really ever settled on anything, he’s never prayed before, even when things looked bleakest. He’s kind of figured that if there is a God, Oliver’s actions have made him past the point of salvation.

But he looks at her, connected to breathing tubes and IVs and god knows what else, and he can’t help himself. He sends out a silent prayer. _Please, please, let her be okay. She doesn’t deserve this. Please don’t take her away from me._

He promises that if – no, when – she make it out of this, he’ll do everything differently. He’s really not entirely sure what, but he promises he’ll be better. He’ll hold nothing back from her anymore. He’ll marry her the day she’s discharged, if that’s what she wants. He’ll do anything, just let her be okay.

John brings over Donna and Thea at one point, Oliver stops paying attention to the time. He’s completely drained but he lets Donna cry on his shoulder, and he can't bring himself to comfort her. He can barely look her in the eyes. 

His feet feel heavy when they’re finally allowed in to see her. She’s still unconscious, a soft beeping in the background. Thea is saying something but he can’t hear her. He can’t take his eyes off Felicity.

The one who would light his way.

He doesn’t know how he'd navigate in the dark without her.


End file.
